Doubt
by FireEdge
Summary: FE10. Just as Jill begins to question why she's fighting, a familiar face shows up to help her sort through her doubts. HaarJill. Oneshot.


So, I've been slacking off on my writing to play FE10, but after beating Part III Chapter 7, I was struck with inspiration!! So then I spent the next three hours writing this one-shot. Of course, I SHOULD have been writing the next chapter of _Defying Fate_… For those who are reading that, don't worry the next chapter will be up soon. I hope.

Anyway, this is basically me retelling the conversation (from Jill's POV sort of) that occurs if you have Haar talk to Jill during that chapter (which I did and then restarted because the Dawn Brigade would be even more gimped than they already were if Jill left…). I kind of altered the script a little and stuck in a bit more just to make it flow better. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem.

**Doubt**

Once Micaiah had finished talking and walked away, Jill pulled on the reins of her wyvern and they rose into the air with a great buffeting of wings. As they pulled up, Jill felt an uneasiness quell inside her, and it wasn't because of the sudden change of altitude. She had experienced this same feeling before, three years ago to be exact, during the Mad King's War. It was that same feeling she got when she had first discovered the true nature of the laguz; when she had begun to question Daein's decisions. The dracoknight couldn't help but wonder why she was hundreds of feet in the air, holding a steel axe.

Below her, she could see the rest of the Daein army, a bunch of milling black spots. She could just pick out Micaiah's silver hair. All around her she could just make out the familiar shapes of her friends She shook her head, as if to clear her thoughts.

"They're the reason I'm fighting," she said to herself. "I'm fighting for Micaiah, the one who freed Daein, my friend. If she believes that we should fight, I'll stand by her."

_Even if this war is complete madness and has nothing to do with Daein?_ a voice whispered from the back of her mind. Her determination faltered and she nearly dropped her axe. Marduk crooned and his head turned to look at her disapprovingly.

"Don't look at me like that! Oh! Something's happening!" Jill swooped down, noticing her fellow dracoknights flying lower. As she neared the earth, she heard some of the foot soldiers yelling. The enemy was here, and they were on the move.

The other dracoknights hollered "For Daein!" before speeding off across the river. Jill's eyes followed them and she could just spot a small group of troops. While there were laguz among them, a large percentage was beorc. At their head, she could make out a splash of blue.

_So it _is_ Ike and the Greil Mercenaries… That means that Mist is probably there, too. How am I supposed to fight _her_?_ Jill could feel her stomach tying itself into knots. It was almost as bad as when she had to face her father three years ago. She could feel a familiar sensation as she recalled her father's death.

_This is not the place to be thinking about that! Focus on the battle, or you'll get killed!_ Taking a few deep breaths, she nudged Marduk forward. She would go scout out the enemy and then avoid the Mercenaries. There must be other troops with them, ones she could fight without recognizing their faces.

As if on cue, she heard wyvern roars to her right. Shading her eyes, she saw two dracoknights fighting. The larger wyvern was dominating. The rider's axe easily connected with the other wyvern's wings and the poor beast cried out in pain as it began to fall, its one good wing flapping desperately.

Whose man was that? Both riders wore black armour, so she couldn't tell if the victor was one of their own or not. She didn't even know that the opponent had wyverns. Where could they have found a dracoknight who would be willing to fight on the same side as laguz?

Suddenly, said dracoknight was flying rapidly towards her and her question was answered immediately. Jill could almost feel all the air rush out of her lungs as she recognized Haar. She wasn't sure if she was more surprised or happy. Actually, she was starting to feel rather giddy and her stomach was turning uncomfortably, but that might have been because she had forgotten to breathe.

"Sir Haar!" she cried as he pulled up beside her. His face was a mixture of surprise and confusion. However she could distinctly make out a small smile. Whatever his emotions, he was obviously pleased to see her. She wasn't sure if it was that that made her address him as 'Sir' or if it was just the shock of seeing him, but she felt her cheeks flush at the blunder. When did she ever call him 'Sir'? Must have been the few months she had spent with the army, where every other soldier was a knight. However, this thought was quickly driven from her head as she recalled the immediate situation. "Why are you fighting for these people?"

"Hey, you stole my question! Why are you fighting in the Daein army?" he demanded in a tone of voice that, for some reason, made her feel guilty. Like as if she had been caught eating sweets before dinner.

"There was a war to liberate Daein while you were gone. So I joined the army again," she explained hastily. She hated it when he gave her that disapproving look. It made her seem like a child; a child that was completely beneath him. "I explained in that letter I sent you. Didn't you get it?"

"Yes, I got your letter. But that still doesn't explain anything. Daein has been liberated. So why are you still with the army?" he replied, still frowning at her.

Jill couldn't help but scowl. Was it illegal for her to be in the army? She was old enough to make her own decisions! It was his fault anyway that he hadn't been around. He wasn't there to see what this same army had been through. She couldn't just up and leave!

"I can't just leave!" she retorted defiantly. "These people are my friends! We fought so hard for the liberation!"

"Oh, stop with the sentimental nonsense, Jill. In case you haven't noticed, you're _fighting_ your friends, too," Haar reproached as he manoeuvred himself so that he could grab her saddle. His face was now less than a foot away from hers. Jill could feel her cheeks colour with embarrassment. Of course she knew that she was fighting her friends! Did he think that she had conveniently forgotten that?!

"What about you, then? How did you end up in this fight?" she demanded, trying to save face.

"Well…" His brows furrowed as he thought for a moment. "Somehow, I got mixed up in putting down uprisings in Crimea. And then I ended up with the Laguz Alliance because… you know, being old friends with Ike and all that."

His wyvern snorted, and Jill felt exactly the same way.

"What?! That is hardly a cause worth fighting for!! You're unbelievable!" she exclaimed. Here he was preaching to her about being overly sentimental when he was fighting because he was _friends_ with Ike! Sometimes she just wanted to smack him with her axe—this being one of those times. Of course, her anger was clouding the fact that if she did go through with that course of action, she would never forgive herself later for hitting her former captain, who happened to be one of her late father's closest friends and the man that she trusted most in her life.

Luckily, Haar could see how annoyed she was and decided that it would be smart to change the subject.

"All right, enough debating. What do you want to do now? Do you want to fight me?" The effect of his words was instantaneous. An expression of horror quickly replaced her anger.

"Of course not! I could never…" Jill's voice trailed off. There were so many ways that she could end that phrase, so many reasons that she would rather take her own life than fight him. She didn't think she could lose Haar, as well. He was all that she had left.

"Then join me," he said immediately, as if that were the only option. She couldn't help but gawk at him incredulously. How was it that he was able to make her feel about a hundred different emotions in the span of five minutes?

"Easy for you to say!" she retorted, glowering at him disbelievingly. "What do you expect me to do? Just turn my back on my comrades without a word? Just like that?!"

"You're too full of doubt. How do you live like that all the time?" he asked with an exasperated sigh, vaguely recalling the countless times she had given him that same look. Usually it was when he had a package that needed to be delivered on the double and she was telling him not to nap until it was safe in the hands of the recipient. Then his face turned sombre. "But tell me, Jill, do you think that this is how your father wanted you to live? Afraid to trust your own instincts?"

"But…" Her voice faltered and she could feel a lump in her throat. Why did he have to bring up her father? She felt her eyes cast down, unable to meet his gaze any longer. Past the bodies of their two wyverns, she could see black-clad figures trudging through the Ribahn River's murky waters. _Was_ this what her father wanted? For her to fight for a cause that she questioned? No, it was not, she realized.

Jill's head snapped up as she felt Haar's hand grasp her own and she felt the heat rise to her cheeks. This was both from the fact that he was touching her and from the fact that he had done so to close her hand tighter around the shaft of her axe. She had almost dropped it again.

"Jill, look at me. Daein has no business in this war. You know that, right?"

"… Yes… But… what about my comrades? What about my friends?" Suddenly she felt like a little girl again. Like a little girl who had just buried her own father and who hadn't known what to do, where to go next. This time, however, there was a warm hand trying to guide her.

"Jill, you don't know Begnion's senate. They're cold-hearted and selfish. They don't even deserve to be called people. Believe me, they are using Daein and they will throw all of you away when you've lost your value. Is dying how you show loyalty? If you're really their friend, then fight alongside us! Maybe that will get them to think about what they're doing."

"Oh, Captain…" she mumbled as she used her free hand to scrub at the unwanted tears on her face. Why was she crying? She had recently turned nineteen, she wasn't a child anymore!

Jill felt Haar's hand unclasp from hers and she almost protested until she felt it settle on her head and then onto her upper arm.

"Come with me, Jill. We both know that we should follow our hearts, even if it makes us traitors. We know that better than anyone. This war is wrong and you're fighting on the side that instigated it. I know you don't want to fight for their cause. So, come with me. For the sake of your father, live your life without shame."

"Y-you're right, Captain Haar!" she said after a moment. She wiped her face dry and held her head up, looking at him with her familiar gaze of pride and determination. "I've been so foolish. Just like before. I would be proud to serve with you."

"Good. That's the look I like to see on your face. Confidant and no regrets… Your father would be proud," he answered with a smile. Letting go of her arm he turned back to his reins and his wyvern gratefully moved away from his less than comfortable position.

"Um… And… Captain Haar?" Jill stammered, grabbing her reins so that she could follow him.

"Hn?"

"Thank you. Thank you so much… for everything."

"Don't look back, Jill. Look forward," he replied before picking up speed, knowing that she would be on his heels in a second.

The young woman thought over his words for a moment and then nudged Marduk forward. She didn't look back at the army she was betraying for the second time. For she knew that—without doubt—no matter what happened next, no matter the outcome of the war, she would always have something definite in her future. And that something was flying ahead of her.

* * *

So yeah, I decided not to include the conversation between Jill and Micaiah simply because it wouldn't mesh very nicely. It's supposed to be more of a story about Jill and Haar's relationship anyway, but I based it around Jill's convictions.

Also, I'm not sure if I made Jill seem too much of a cry baby. However, I see her as a girl that was made to grow up much too fast (because of the Mad King's War and its consequences), so she bottles up her emotions. Therefore her feelings just boil over eventually (and this is one of those times). The fact that she cries in front of Haar just shows how much she trusts him. Still, I made sure to leave her off as her proud, old self. So, that's my explanation for the disgusting sappiness of this fic! Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed that. I had a lot of fun writing it.

--FireEdge--


End file.
